Anonymous Asks (424)

“Does a wife have to submit to her husband?”

The way we frame a question tells people quite a bit about the assumptions that provoked us to ask it. Moreover, in seeking to answer an anonymous question, the reader finds himself making assumptions about the person asking it that are hard to avoid and may well be entirely wrong. For example, the way today’s question is framed immediately sends my brain down a particular track. I am already making assumptions about the writer — female, issues with authority, chip on the shoulder, etc. — all of which may be complete rubbish.

Framing the Issue

Imagine the issue framed differently. “How does God expect a Christian wife to relate to her husband?” “What happens to Christian wives who don’t submit to their husbands?” “What are the benefits of a wife submitting to her husband?” “What will other Christians think of a wife who does not submit to her husband?” “How can the Bible’s authority be used to get a wife to submit to her husband?” Each of these questions gives me a different mental picture of the person asking it and the thought processes that inspired it.

In the end, we can only go with the question as currently framed, and the words “have to” are a big part of it. The truth of the matter is that nobody has to do anything they don’t want to do. We are all autonomous beings who will each give our own account to God for our choices in life. By definition, submission is a choice. It’s a voluntary act. Where there is no element of choice involved, what’s happening is coercion, not submission. A wicked husband may use coercion to get what he wants. God doesn’t. The mere existence of angelic beings in rebellion against heaven is ample evidence of that.

What the Bible Teaches

What we can say with certainty is that the Bible teaches Christian wives to submit to their husbands. The verses on the subject are well known and I won’t quote them all here: Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:3-5 and 1 Peter 3:1-6 should be sufficient to make the case.

In teaching these things, scripture is not singling out married Christian women. Rather, it teaches all Christians to submit to the various authorities God has placed over them. These include parents, civil authorities, church elders, masters and of course Christ. A submissive spirit even characterized the Lord Jesus, who always did his Father’s will. He never acted independently or on his own initiative.

Coming to Christ is itself an act of submission: if we will not confess Jesus as Lord, we are not truly his. Submitting to Christ is no one-time event. Daily submission to his will and direction is characteristic of all mature believers.

Making Marriage Work

So then, the instruction about the conduct of Christian wives toward their husbands is only one small aspect of a much larger subject, a package of doctrine that affects every believer and also includes instruction to Christian husbands about how to behave toward their wives.

Along with submission to a husband come considerable benefits. Scripture says submission is fitting (or appropriate), a witness to the world, an adornment in the eyes of God. It may even win the heart of a difficult, sinful husband.

So, no, a Christian wife does not have to submit to her husband, but she will find it impossible to enjoy the full benefits of a partnership God designed for her good without doing so.