That Flash of Anger

You’re talking to a friend about a third party. It really doesn’t matter who — I’ve had these conversations about Madonna, about family members, and even about the CEO of Canadian Tire. But, though the conduct of the subject of your discussion has precisely zero impact on either your friend or you, it seems blatantly obvious to you that this individual has done something morally and biblically indefensible, something that any right-thinking person would usually condemn.

Then your friend sets out to defend what that person did. Oh boy.

As the conversation goes on, his intensity builds. It really matters to your friend that you agree with him that the subject of your conversation has actually behaved acceptably, or that nobody has any reason or right to pass judgment on him (or her). He is becoming quite heated …

As a Christian, what does that flash of anger tell you? It could be any of several things, couldn’t it?

1/ Your Friend is Offended by your Judgmental Spirit

One possibility is that your friend assumed you thought just like he does about right and wrong, and has abruptly been disabused of that notion. He had taken you for a “live and let live” sort, and now realizes you are actually one of “those people”. Now he’s wondering what else might be wrong with you.

For the Christian, this is a good moment to stop and think: Is this hill worth dying on? If there’s anything ambiguous about the situation you’re discussing — say, for instance, there are facts in dispute, mitigating circumstances, or accusations from a questionable source — now would be a good time to qualify your response or hedge your bets. In fact, it would have been better to do so earlier and speak more cautiously, but often we go a little too far down a conversational sidetrack before we realize where it is taking us.

That said, if the situation you are discussing is genuinely sinful, the facts agreed upon and the evidence for misconduct unimpeachable, backing away from a moral judgment you’ve already made is less gracious or prudent than it is just plain unfaithful. Sometimes standing for what the Bible teaches about right and wrong is costly (as John the Baptist discovered), and this may be one of those times. Be thankful you only risk losing a friend and not your noggin.

2/ Your Friend is Identifying with the Sinner

Self-knowledge is a rare virtue, but I do know people who are reasonably humble and conscious of their own fallibility. It may be that your friend is extremely empathetic, and has put himself in the shoes of the sinner, imagining “There but for the grace of God go I.” That’s an expression I’ve heard even from people who don’t believe in God or his grace.

Hey, humility and empathy are good things. If all your friend is really saying is “Don’t be too hard on this person because we all do things that are ill-advised from time to time”, his intensity probably indicates nothing more off kilter than a little naivety, a willingness to believe the best about others or a reluctance to rush to judgment. More often, however, he will be trying to draw some vague moral equivalence that really doesn’t hold up to closer scrutiny, or trying to compare apples and oranges. You are talking about a sin you haven’t committed and wouldn’t commit, and one that can’t exactly occur accidentally. He is comparing it to an ordinary lapse in judgment or momentary loss of temper.

What is clear from his annoyance with you is that he sees this sin as the sort of thing he also might be tempted to commit under the right circumstances. He is identifying with the sinner, and trying to explain why this sort of thing might happen.

3/ Your Friend May Be Guilty of the Same Sin

More often it’s worse than that. I remember working side by side with a man from my local church. We were having a conversation about a mutual acquaintance who had left his wife and family, and this man suddenly became very intense. I was young and inexperienced, but even then, I could discern there was something odd about his reaction, and his protestations that this was something he could never, ever do.

Only months later, he did. His own extramarital affair was probably ongoing at the time we had the conversation.

Sometimes a flash of anger is an indication that your friend not only identifies with the sinner who is the subject of your conversation, and has not only given serious consideration to committing the sin in question himself, but has already done or is in the middle of doing the same thing. Unfortunate, but true.

Anger as a Good Thing

In such cases, I am very happy to see that flash of anger. It’s an indication your friend’s conscience still functions despite his best efforts to teach it to play dead. It may be an indication the Holy Spirit is working in his heart, troubling him about what he is up to, and reminding him that a day is coming in which the works of men will be judged.

As much as it’s no fun to be around an angry person defending sinful conduct, it’s much worse to be around somebody who couldn’t care less one way or another what the Bible says about sin. Suppress the truth long enough, and you end up in Romans 1, where no right thinking person wants to be; where the conscience is seared and insensate and the rationalization mechanism has been working overtime for so long that it has enabled the unbeliever to believe the unbelievable about himself.

That flash of anger may be an indication the Lord is working. I’m almost always happy to see it.