Anonymous Asks (384)

“What does it mean that a friend’s wounds are ‘faithful’?”

The line comes from one of Solomon’s later proverbs. In full it reads, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

The wounds of a friend are not injuries he incurs on your behalf or in the process of defending you from others, though that might be your first thought, as it was mine. Taking a major hit for a pal is definitely a confirmation of friendship, but I don’t think that’s what Solomon was talking about.

Read the whole proverb carefully. Christians quote the first phrase more frequently, but the second is equally profound, and it expounds on the first. The contrast is between an injury dealt to you in love and the fawning-but-totally-fake public displays of attachment affected by disloyal people. A true friend will tell you hard truths: about the world, about yourself, about others around you that you may not yet see through. Why? Because he cares about your long-term good, not just your feelings in the moment. He doesn’t want you to live in a delusion bubble or echo chamber, even if delusions are often quite comfortable. His frankness and honesty are marks of trust, and the measure of his confidence in you to do the right thing. They are acts of faithfulness.

The enemy, on the other hand, doesn’t want you to see him coming. The irony that a disloyal friend betrayed our Savior by greeting him with a kiss should never be lost on us.

A true friend has no spirit of Judas in him. When he wounds you, he is trying to get your attention, call you back to reality and save you from yourself. Often, we try to rewrite history in our own heads, but someone who was there at the time remembers events without bias. A faithful friend will strive to be a comfort and help while minimizing opportunity to let you give vent to bitterness, petulance or endless rehearsal of ills you have suffered. When you have sinned and try to justify yourself, he will not hear you without correcting you and forcing you to reframe.

You may not like it at the time, but when you look back on it, you’ll know he was acting in love.