There’s a new one going around lately: the
adult child. This is the mid-twenties son or daughter who still lives in his
parents’ basement, having his meals cooked and his laundry done for him,
blithely confident that the world outside — the world of careers, responsibilities
and independence — is overrated. His harried, weary parents pray for him to
move out and make his way in the world or for some nice girl to come and
snap him up. But he knows very well that for now he has it good. Being too old
for his parents to control but too needy for them to abandon, he is free to
devote his time and assets to playing video games, going to clubs, flirting
with girls and hanging out at the beach. A periodic trip to the employment
office is all that is necessary to convince his parents of his helplessness.
This situation was famously parodied in the (quite forgettable) 2006 romantic comedy Failure
to Launch. Matthew McConaughey played the lead role of Tripp, a
thirty-something layabout who is eventually lured out of his parents basement
by the equine charms of Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker), a woman whose questionable
virtue his parents have purchased for that purpose.
Lovely thought, that.
A Joke That Isn’t
Anyway, this new stock character, the adult
child, is a joke today — but really it’s not. It’s actually a phenomenon of
growing concern. Sociologists have called this the “Generation on Hold”. Locked
into an extended adolescence by increasingly long durations between childhood
and adulthood by a variety of social phenomena — extended schooling and
training, residual debt, the increased cost of living, disappearing career
tracks, the denigration of home and family life, and a culture dominated by
adolescent consumerist narcissism, among other things — young people today face
a range of increasing challenges to achieving self-sufficiency. The full
effect of this phenomenon on the development of Western society is yet
unknown.
The only thing that seems safe to say is that
it’s tough being a young adult (or an aging parent) today. To go to school,
then to university, college or the work world is not enough to guarantee a
chance at independence anymore. And who knows what the future looks like?
All regrettable. Sure.
Growing Up
But I wonder if there isn’t a much bigger
disaster. I’m speaking here of the number of long-time Christians I have met
who choose to remain mere children in spiritual things. After all, there is a
natural growing process for Christians. It goes like this. You start with the
“pure milk” of the word of God; then you graduate to the
“meat” of the Word,
and then, through a cooperative process of learning, working, serving, and
growing, in fellowship with other Christians, to maturity and completing of our
spiritual character, until we attain the maturity Christ intends us to have.
Finally, having grown up, we are not easily pushed around by “winds of
doctrine”,
“trickery of men” or the deceitful schemes of the Evil One.
Well, that’s the plan anyway. How often it
actually comes off is another question.
The author of Hebrews saw it not happening.
He saw professing Christians who were still stuck at the “child” level of
understanding. They knew about Christ,
they knew a few stories and facts from the Old Testament,
but they really were not pressing on. Like adult children, they had given up on
trying for independence, and were taking free meals and laundry services and playing
video games instead of getting a life.
Step 1: Get beyond the basic stuff
Now, notice here what the writer specifically means by this. He identifies the “elementary” stuff as “repentance
from works”, “faith toward God”, “instruction” in minor rituals, “the
resurrection of the dead” and “eternal judgment”.
What? Aren’t those basic elements of the
salvation message? How could we “leave behind” such things?
Not by forgetting them, but by growing up
and going beyond them.
Let me say this carefully: the gospel is
not a message of how you can get out of hell and then sit on your butt until
the Lord returns. It’s the launch-pad of a great mission onward and
upward. It’s the first step in a life of discipleship. It’s the first step in a
process of ever-increasing growth. So if you get saved and sit, then you are at
best a selfish brat, spiritually speaking. And even worse, you may well be
completely deceived about your own belief in God in the first place. After all,
you don’t seem to believe in his character enough to want to have a real
relationship with him at all. Maybe you’re only fooling yourself.
You see, God’s purpose in saving people is
not so that they will stay stunted infants. It’s that they will grow up and
become companions fit for him. A person who just “gets saved” and then sits on
that is immature, selfish and disobedient, having put his own well-being ahead
of his sacred duty to walk worthy of his calling and grow up into Christ.
Step 2: Start growing
How do we do that? The Bible tells us: put aside the old way of life and start taking in the “pure milk of the Word”. And let’s get practical. It means getting up a little earlier
every morning and spending a few minutes at least in the Word and prayer,
fellowshiping with the Lord and putting your daily plans in his hands.
Yes, I know you’re “not a morning person”: stop whining. As my African grandmother used to say, “ ‘Can’t’ is for
children!” She was right; adults don’t need excuses.
Step 3: Start obeying
There are plenty of things we know we should have been doing all along. The first is having quiet time with the Lord
first thing every morning. But beyond that, we know we should have been
cleaning up our lives, getting committed to a local church, serving people,
showing hospitality, giving to the Lord from our prosperity, caring for the
hurting, forgiving those who have hurt us, educating ourselves in spiritual
things, and so on. I don’t know what the Lord has been saying to you
personally, but I’ll bet my eye teeth that he’s been after you for a while to
do something — and you know very well what it is.
Time to grow up, step up, and be a man (or woman).
Step 4: Start teaching what you know
Whaaaaat? Me? Teach? Are you kidding?
Nope. I’m dead serious.
Relax: I’m not telling you to get into the pulpit and preach a message. I’m not telling you to go to the foreign mission
field. I’m not telling you to go out on the street and shout down passers-by. I’m
not even telling you to take over leadership in a local group study. It may
well be one-on-one only, at least at the start. It might get up eventually to
two or three at a time. For relatively few it may get up to congregational
speaking. Your conversation partners may be any age. You will likely start with
family or friends, or your immediate neighbors. But whatever, whenever, you’ve
got to start teaching.
A funny thing about teaching: the teacher always learns far more than the pupils do. (And that’s 25 years in the “trenches”
telling you that!) Speaking to people and listening to their questions, and
then figuring out how to respond with grace and intelligence produces very
rapid spiritual growth.
We need to realize that doing this, becoming a teacher, is a natural and automatic step in the maturation and
development of a Christian.
Do you doubt me? Take a look at Hebrews 5:12. It reads:
“… by this time you ought to be teachers …”
Two notes here. First, it says “by this time”. In other words, the ability to teach the word of God is a confirming
characteristic of the mature believer. There comes an inevitable time in the
natural development of a Christian’s life when he or she becomes fully capable
of taking the scriptures and teaching others the truth.
You don’t need all knowledge to start teaching; all you need is true knowledge of a few basics. The
rest of your knowledge will build as you go. Start simply; start with what you know.
Secondly, the verse says, “you ought”. Did you know that “ought” is a contracted form of two English words? It means “owe + it”. You “owe-it”. And interestingly enough, that’s exactly what it means in the Greek as well. Elsewhere, the New Testament uses precisely the same word
for people being in debt for money (Matthew 18 and Luke 16, for example) and in
some cases it even uses it as a metaphor for sacred obligation (see Matthew 23). Thus
you “owe it” to become a teacher of the Word.
Now notice that no one is asking if you “like-it” or “fear-it”. You “owe-it”. You owe it to your fellow believers, and
more importantly, you owe it to God.
In Short
As a social pathology, the phenomenon of “failure to launch” may prove temporary or permanent. It may continue or abate.
It may prove solvable or not. (Who can say?) In any case, it doesn’t really
matter, compared to the unparalleled tragedy of the “failure to launch” of many
Christians today.
However, the latter is completely solvable. The word of God and the Spirit of God have given to us all the things we need for
life and godliness through our increasing knowledge of Christ.
The only thing remaining is our commitment.
Are you in?
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