Anonymous Asks (372)

“Why do so many preacher’s kids apostatize?”

I feel as if this is one of those “When did you stop beating your wife?” questions. It assumes the veracity of its premise without any actual investigation. Do “so many” preacher’s kids really abandon their faith when they leave home? What does “many” mean relative to the total number of children born to full-time servants of Christ? If large numbers really did apostatize, how would we know? How many of them come back to the faith later?

Also, who’s keeping the stats: George Barna?

Keeping Stats in the Middle of the Game

There’s no doubt some children raised by full-time servants of Christ really do abandon the faith, let’s concede that. Perhaps it’s even common, as I once hypothesized. I can think of one or two local examples right now. I can also think of several cases where a preacher’s kid was reputed to have rejected the faith, then reappeared in church a few years later, chastened, repentant and recommitted to Christ. Those kids tend to stick it out to the finish line, having “tried the broken cisterns” and having found the waters failed them miserably. When you have seen real love up close, the world’s pale imitation cannot satisfy. You either end up turning around and going home like the prodigal with your tail between your legs, or else you rationalize your betrayal of the faith like a madman until the day you go into the ground.

The problem with keeping statistics in the middle of the game is that … well, it’s the middle of the game, and none of us know how it’s going to end for one another until we’re doing the “dust to dust” thing for them in a church somewhere. That and, as I mentioned, we really don’t have those statistics to even get us started.

The Way is Hard

Jesus taught that at least three-quarters of the truth that gets out there into the world produces no spiritual fruit for God. That is probably less true in Christian homes than secular, but it remains the case that “the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few”. Reasons for this vary: the allure of the spirit of the age, the distractions of daily life, the opposition of Satan and his minions, the tendency of trials to be part of the Christian experience. Even the greatest teacher of all time only went 11 for 12 (though he had scripture to fulfill along the way). Should we expect to beat that record?

My parents went 4 for 4 (so far), and they were exceptional. Another godly couple led by a life-long preacher of the Word whom I admire more than almost anyone on earth went 5 for 5. I’m talking about adult children walking with the Lord after one or both parents have gone home to be with him. In between childhood and adulthood, some members of both families had rocky moments. If the critics took their snapshots in one of these, Mom and Dad might well despair. But we must remember Peter denied the Lord, Thomas doubted, and every last one of Christ’s disciples ran for their lives in the Garden of Gethsemane. The Pharisees and their emissaries probably howled with glee.

Again, none of that was the end of the story. 2 Peter had yet to be written. Or the gospel of John.

The Heartache of Parenting

Those are the successes. Other Christians I greatly appreciate and esteem have seen more than their fair share of heartache when they looked at the present spiritual condition of their adult children. Since I am not a determinist, I will absolutely not be their judge. For one, it ain’t over ’til it’s over. For another, we have no idea what raw material they started with. Nurture can only overcome so much.

So then, do “so many” preacher’s kids turn out to be Abraham Piper or Frank Schaeffer? Possibly. I can’t prove they don’t. If it’s true, bear in mind that growing up in the home of a Bible teacher or evangelist is no easy thing. You may not get every moment of parental attention you think you deserve. You may find strangers at the dinner table more nights a week than you care for. Dad may earn less than the average parent, and you will sometimes have to do without. You may find the routine grinding and the expectations too high for your personal taste. You may find yourself under spiritual attack way more than the average teen.

Would I trade that childhood in for something a little easier if you gave me the option today? Not on your life. Having a father and mother who, for all their imperfections, were genuinely admirable in a world of liars, cheats, hypocrites, cowards and failed role models is a privilege beyond any calculation.