Fatherless children are four times more likely to live in poverty as those with a dad at home,
twice as likely to die in infancy, twice as likely to struggle with their
weight and twice as likely to drop out of high school. Fatherless girls are
seven times more likely to become pregnant as a teen. And while the actual
numbers are hotly debated, it is evident having an absent father also correlates
statistically with higher levels of criminality, incarceration, drug and
alcohol abuse, behavioral problems and the likelihood of having been beaten up at home.
This is going on in a country with one of the best social safety nets in the world and with more
money being directed toward the social problems exacerbated by fatherlessness
than at any time in human history. Despite its deep pockets, the State is no
substitute for a loving, involved father.
In the first three chapters of Proverbs, Solomon has taken great pains establishing the necessity
of becoming wise and identifying the source of wisdom, God himself. He now
turns to the mechanism by which wisdom is transmitted in the family: through
the father.
The Father? Really?
That’s a controversial statement, so let’s consider it for a moment. Mothers also pass on wisdom, and
thank the Lord for that, otherwise a third of American kids would have
precisely zero. Chapter 31 of Proverbs is entirely devoted to preserving
one wise mom’s advice, so Solomon is not being anti-woman here. But it’s fairly
obvious that at least on average, children of a mother who is fully occupied
with feeding, managing and financially providing for them are going to get less
advice — and certainly less calm, measured, sound advice — than children
in a home where these labors are halved and time is devoted to cultivating
relationships rather than merely getting through the next 24 hours.
And of course there are certain subjects about which even the most loving mother cannot possibly
school her son, just as there are areas of a teen girl’s life experience to
which a father is functionally blind.
Further, consider Paul’s instruction to Ephesian fathers: “Do not provoke your
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Undoubtedly a child’s life will be better if his mother also avoids provoking
him to anger and disciplines and instructs him in her own maternal way. Notwithstanding
that, the responsibility is squarely assigned to Christian fathers.
5. A Father’s Endorsement of Wisdom (Proverbs 4:1-27)
Wise people are people with life skills, able to cope in hard times, productive, properly functioning, capable of blessing
others and avoiding the sorts of moral disasters that the unwise bring upon
themselves with remarkable regularity. And just as the Christian faith is preserved
through a long series of faithful, godly men willing and able to teach others, wisdom is preserved through the counsel of wise fathers and the obedience of their godly children.
Get Wisdom; Get Insight
Solomon got the life skills he possessed at least in part from his father David, and our next section of Proverbs appears to record more or
less verbatim his recollection of his father’s instruction: “Keep my commandments,
and live. Get wisdom; get insight,” and so on. However, commentators do not agree
where the words of David stop and the instruction of Solomon to his own sons resumes. Gill comments:
“Some think they end with Proverbs 4:5; others with Proverbs 4:6, others with the Proverbs 4:9, and the words of Solomon begin at Proverbs 4:10, some will have it that they take in the whole chapter, which is not probable; nay, others say that the whole of the book following is his, which can by no means be agreed to.”
My own take is that the ESV takes the safest and most logical route in ending the quote with verse 9. The apparent thought-flow takes
us at least that far. Still, because of the change of address from “sons” (plural) in 4:1 (which is inarguably
Solomonic) to “son” (singular) in 4:3, 10, 20 and 5:1, I’m reluctant to rule
out the possibility that David’s instruction to Solomon may actually continue
all the way to the end of 5:6. David was, after all, addressing his one-and-only son
destined to take the throne after him on the basis of his solemn oath to Solomon’s mother, Bathsheba. By 5:7, it’s clear we’re back to Solomon addressing his “sons”, and it should not surprise us if Solomon had a great
deal more to say to his offspring about the dangers of pursuing the wrong sort
of woman than David might have had, and felt compelled to expand on his father’s
advice. David surely made his share of mistakes, but Solomon had orders of
magnitude more experience in that department.
The Only One
In any case, whether the advice that follows is Solomonic or Davidic, it remains worth studying. Solomon
prefaces David’s words with these:
“When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother …”
We’re back in historical territory here.
Bathsheba’s son feels his mom rates a mention, and it’s not entirely clear what
he is saying about her. A survey of the various English translations shows the
most literal reading is something like the ESV’s: “the only one in the sight of
my mother”. Thus some take it to make the point that Solomon was Bathsheba’s
only child, which is probably true but not likely all that important. (The
argument that “King Lemuel” referred to in chapter 31 was Solomon’s younger brother by Bathsheba seems difficult to support from scripture.) In any case, it’s hard to see why
Solomon would feel it necessary to point out to his own sons that he was the
only child of a specific Davidic marriage.
Rather, it seems to me more likely he is telling his children that his mother was especially fond of him. The Jubilee
Bible calls him “unique” and the ASV says “tender and only beloved” with
respect to Bathsheba’s affections, which I think gets the sense of it. If you
read the history, Solomon’s mother had good reason to put all her hopes in him
from the very beginning, not least because her own status rose or fell with his.
Mother’s Love, Father’s Love
But there’s no need to view Bathsheba’s affection for Solomon as merely self-preservation or social climbing. The
untimely loss of her first son (sired by David out of wedlock) to God’s judgment cannot have been far from her mind, and the comfort that came with the arrival of Solomon (also called Jedidiah, or “beloved of the
Lord”) would surely have created a lifelong attachment of great intensity
between mother and son.
I suspect this is what Solomon is referring
to, and perhaps there is a very natural contrast here: his mother showed his
love emotionally, while his father showed his love by taking time out from
running a kingdom to teach his son and heir everything he needed to know.
That’s not the worst possible division of labor in a godly family.
More to come on this …
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