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“What’s the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?”

When translating scripture from one language to another, experts must take into account that no single word in the receptor language may capture the meaning of the original word precisely. In such cases, they may employ a phrase to replace a single word, or else choose the best possible single word approximation.

The Greek word that ended up translated “forgiveness” in our New Testaments is a bit tougher to replicate in today’s English than some. The real problem may have more to do with culture than linguistics. The current Western concept of forgiveness has become primarily associated with the thoughts and emotions of the person struggling to let go of an infraction committed against him/her. The first century Greek concept is not.

We should never try to read our cultural tropes backward into scripture. They will just tell us what we already think, rather than what the authors of the Bible were trying to say.

Forgiveness Begins with God

Our obligation to forgive one another is patterned after and proceeds from the forgiveness we have received from God. The Christian experiences two distinguishable forms of God’s forgiveness. Some people refer to these as “judicial” and “parental”:

• The first is an all-encompassing forgiveness at the moment we repent and trust Christ for salvation. That first form of forgiveness is connected with redemption, ushers the sinner into the kingdom of heaven, establishes the Father/child relationship, and only happens once.
• The second is a daily, ongoing reestablishment of fellowship with God, which breaks down temporarily when, as a believer, I allow unconfessed sin in my life. This may happen numerous times throughout the Christian’s experience, but it has no effect on the relationship that was established the moment I trusted Christ for my salvation. I remain forever God’s child even when we have breakdowns in communication.

Call the two modes of forgiveness judicial and parental if you like, but distinguish them somehow; they are quantitatively and qualitatively different things. Nevertheless, both forms of forgiveness are the result of Christ’s work, and both require confession to benefit from them, meaning that we agree with God about our sin.

Because we have been forgiven by God, and continue to be forgiven on a daily basis, we are required to extend forgiveness to one another upon request.

Forgiveness Defined

In Greek, the word “forgive” is aphiēmi, which means to “let go” or “leave alone”. There is nothing remotely emotional about the term. It is used of legal transactions, departures, and electing to allow something undesirable to occur. Feelings like compassion or sympathy may certainly accompany forgiveness, but they are not the same thing at all.

Biblical forgiveness is the formal declaration that a debt or obligation has been satisfactorily discharged. It announces that the injured party will no longer seek recompense for the injury done, either through personal revenge, the court system, shunning, gossip, or any other method.

Feelings, frankly, don’t enter into it. In fact, it should be easy to see that the mustered-up compassion or assuaged anger of the injured party, however lovely and commendable, is wholly inadequate if it does not result in an actual, verbal declaration of forgiveness. Managed feelings may enable the victim to carry on without bitterness, but they do nothing whatsoever for the sinner.

An Objection

But what about the Lord’s command to “Forgive your brother from your heart”? Doesn’t that strongly suggest to us that forgiveness requires us to feel a certain way about the person who has done us harm?

The difficulty there is that we are reading back into the Greek text a meaning for “heart” that has more in common with the lyrics of Reba McEntire and Lionel Richie than it has with the way the writers of the New Testament use it.

The Greek word kardia is certainly associated with feelings on occasion, but it has far more to do with authenticity than it does with the subject matter of treacly ballads. The heart is the place where a man keeps all his secrets. Scripture repeatedly contrasts the heart with the outward appearance. The real man is found in the heart, not merely in what he says. (See the use of “heart” in Matthew 15:8, 24:48, Mark 2:6, Luke 2:19 and a great many others.)

Therefore, to do something “from the heart” is to do it sincerely, honestly and without deception. In other words, there can be no secret plan to use a show of forgiveness as a ploy to get the injurer to let his guard down so you can turn the tables on him. When you say you will no longer pursue a remedy from him, you must absolutely mean it. That is a decision, a choice, an act of the will.

What this verse does not teach is that Christians must attempt to gin up affectionate feelings toward someone who has terribly wronged them before they can offer forgiveness to them. One of the most frequently cited excuses for refusing to forgive is “That would by hypocritical!” This is quite untrue. The appropriate emotions may or may not come in due course, but Christians can and should extend forgiveness to the repentant sinner with or without them.

So where does reconciliation fit into all this?

Reconciliation Defined

The Greek words connected with the idea of reconciliation are katallagē and katallassō, referring to an exchange or adjustment of a difference between two parties. With respect to our relationship with God, reconciliation is a one-time event that happened at the cross, best described in Ephesians:

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.”

Christ’s sacrifice on the cross not only made it possible to reconcile each of us to God individually, but to reconcile all things, whether on earth or in heaven. The gospel is the “message of reconciliation” and preaching it the “ministry of reconciliation”. Romans speaks of it in the past tense: “we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son”. Reconciliation is forever, if genuine. We remain reconciled today.

In Summary

Reconciliation and forgiveness are conceptually related, but not identical.

When used about the relationship between God and man, reconciliation only ever occurs once, while forgiveness may be (and probably should be) a daily event.

When used about the marriage relationship, biblical reconciliation is the opposite of separation. It means to come back together when you have been living apart. A marriage that has been reconciled still requires daily helpings of confession and forgiveness between the parties.