The Look

People will let you down.

That shouldn’t be a shocking statement. Most will agree with it. Live long enough and you will be the victim of disloyalties big or small at least once, or you will know someone who was. Still, with all our experience, we rarely see the big one coming. Quality relationships require emotional investment, and emotional investment makes you vulnerable.

Vulnerable people get “that look” when the hammer drops.

The Hammer Drops

You know the look: the one on your face when you’ve just received a piece of unexpected and unwanted information about someone you love that requires you to revise all your assumptions and reinterpret everything you thought you knew. It’s two parts dawning recognition of the obvious, one part resignation, one part disappointment and three parts dazed incomprehension, the full impact of the emotional injury shortly to arrive with a resounding thud.

Songwriter Paddy McAloon muses on the impact of the unexpected “reveal”:

Now everybody wears the look
of the child who wished to marry you
who, knocking proudly on your door
was greeted by your pretty wife.

That’s exactly the look I mean: the one where the poor little naif just took the impact of an unexpected reveal right between the eyes. Amazing how some people can tell a whole story with a single, carefully crafted sentence.

The Unexpected Swerve

But I’m seeing that look a lot lately on the faces of friends and acquaintances who thought they had gotten to a point in life where they could sit back, relax, and enjoy retirement with their partner, only to find he or she had other plans entirely. Or whose partner’s disposition toward them changed unexpectedly, leaving them cohabiting with an unpleasant, prickly stranger. Or who chose for years to believe their beloved’s improbable excuses and gaslighting, only to have their delusion bubble burst at the worst possible moment.

The unexpected swerve makes you question the coherence of the narrative and wonder if you ever understood the story of your own life at all. It leaves you shellshocked.

“My close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.” Ouch. “They all left him and fled.” Is there anything more painful?

Not Everybody Wears the Look

But not everybody wears the look. I bet the Lord Jesus never did. He couldn’t, could he. There was no element of surprise or incomprehension in the betrayal, denial or abandonment of his disciples. None whatsoever. Not only did the prophets and psalmists foretell that the shepherd would be stricken and the sheep scattered, but the Lord himself plainly stated that it would occur. He actually gave Judas his cue in case the betrayer mistimed his exit. “Before the rooster crows,” he assured Peter, “you will deny me three times.”

This might cause us to wonder if the Lord’s prior knowledge of what was coming insulated him emotionally from the pain of being let down by his friends. For surely it was impossible for him to be “made like his brothers” in this respect at least. To take away his insight into the human character, his anticipation of every move others could make, to strip him of the knowledge he received through direct and constant communion with his Father, would require him to cease to be who he was. That could never happen.

Would You Rather Get Bad News Faster?

Then again, was the Lord’s prior knowledge truly any kind of advantage to him? Was he wounded and grieved any less because the element of surprise was absent from the injuries his loved ones inflicted on him? Quite the opposite. In many ways, our lack of insight into the hearts of others is a protection, enabling us remain blissfully oblivious in moments that might otherwise be ruined by distraction, worry or grief. Too much knowledge of a certain sort can be a great weight on the heart.

Think about all the bad news you’ve ever received, and ask yourself if you’d prefer to have had it delivered even earlier. As Solomon advised, “Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.” If we are better off not taking to heart what others say about us when it is hurtful or harsh, how much better off are we not taking to heart what others might be thinking about us? Who knows, a disloyal impulse may never be acted on. Another day may change the whole trajectory of an unwinding relationship.

The Burden of Prior Knowledge

But our Lord was never relieved of the burden of prior knowledge and unlike ours, his foreknowledge was utterly infallible. He chose his disciples fully conscious of their impending and inevitable disloyalty and cowardice. He deliberated selected his own betrayer knowing both his cunning and his total inability to rightly value or apprehend his Master. And then he carried the pain and sorrow of his solitary mission throughout his entire ministry, a hint of anticipated melancholy flavoring every interaction with those he loved, not just the exchanges that took place on the night in which he was betrayed.

Alone, alone, he bore it all alone — including before he went to the cross. Without bitterness, without anger, without despair. Oh, and then he washed their feet before they all ran for the hills.

When We Wear the Look

People will let you down. Maybe not everybody wears the look, but most of us will at one time or another.

Christ will never let us down. Whether we are betrayed, disclaimed, undervalued, misunderstood or abandoned entirely, we know this: that Jesus has been there before us, for “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” In fact, in some respects the Lord Jesus has been tempted beyond anything we have ever encountered. After all, he never gave in. He never let the sad reality behind the masks of those around him change how he behaved toward them in any way.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Amen?