Men and women discuss their differences of opinion … well, differently.
Unless a woman is completely out of control, she will generally pepper her assertions with endless qualifications, disclaimers and occasional flattery. These allow her to walk back any criticism not well received. Men frequently just go at it hammer and tongs with little concern whether the other party finds it hurtful or offensive. We are trying to get at the truth, and we are often too careless of both feelings and fine detail in the process.
In our favor, we are not generally mealy mouthed.
I’m not saying one conversation style is better than the other, or that either is always particularly godly; I’m just saying men and women go about trying to achieve their goals differently. What we have in common is that both sexes may easily lose track of our original objectives along the way.
Men at Work
Men argue like typical men in the book of Job. My brothers and often I do this sort of thing at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Mothers, daughters and spouses reliably flee. You will notice there are no women involved as Job and his friends bang away, slinging out insults, injuries, profundities, half-baked theories, anecdotes and the occasional bit of idiocy. You may also notice they lose their way in the process.
The book of Job is 42 chapters long, most of it one long argument between a suffering Job and his three friends ostensibly trying to help and failing miserably. The vast majority of the time the participants talk past one another. Toward the end, as positions are carved in stone and the four men begin to realize their differences are irreconcilable, a younger man listening steps in and tries to help, shedding just a little more light. Finally, God speaks. The discussion comes to an abrupt end, as we might expect.
That’s it. That’s pretty much the book right there, with a little history at each end. Those who don’t like their theological arguments fast, loose and strongly opinionated will probably glaze over fairly quickly. I love it, and have read the book so many times I have lost count. This time around, I thought I’d try to summarize each major movement in the discussion in a sentence or two for those who haven’t the stamina to follow it through for themselves. Enjoy, ignore or disagree, as you see fit.
Summary of the Arguments in Job
Job: Why am I still alive to experience such misery? (3:1-26)
Eliphaz: Experience shows me innocent people prosper and guilty people perish. (4:1-11) I had a divine revelation one night: no man is truly innocent. (4:12 - 5:7) Recommendation: Repent, and it’ll all work out fine. (5:8-27)
Job (to Eliphaz): I repeat, I wish I could die. (6:1-13) You insult me and betray our friendship. (6:14-23) Your words hurt me, but I assure you, I have not sinned against God. (6:24-30) Life is brief and unendurable; what have I got to lose by complaining? (7:1-21)
Bildad: We know God never judges unjustly, so obviously you must have sinned to be suffering this way. I agree with Eliphaz: you need to repent. (8:1-22)
Job (to Bildad): I do not need to repent. I am in the right. Moreover, God is too great and powerful for even an innocent man to approach. I could not make my case to him. (9:1-35)
(to God): Why have you turned on me so suddenly? I cannot stand before you. I wish I could die. (10:1-22)
Zophar: How can you talk like this? You deserve worse than you are receiving. You need to repent, and everything will be fine. (11:1-20)
Job (to all): You think you’re so smart! But your arguments are facile. Of course, in the end everything comes back to God. Nobody else is as powerful as he; I understand that. But I want to take my case before him. (12:1-25) I wish you would all be quiet. How would any of you fare if this happened to you? (13:1-12)
(to God): I must make my case before you. Surely you will not refuse to hear an innocent man. (13:13-28) The gulf between finite and infinite is too great. Only you can bridge it and bring justice to me in this life or afterward. (14:1-22)
Eliphaz: You are talking nonsense and proving our case against you. What makes you think you are so wise? (15:1-16) History shows us the guilty always get what they deserve. (Implication: your suffering proves you must have defied God.) (15:17-35)
Job (to all): I would never treat you this way if our positions were reversed. (16:1-5) This is the final indignity: that God has made my friends the instruments of my destruction though I am innocent. (16:6-17) You have left me no hope but death. (16:18 - 17:16)
Bildad: Do you think we’re stupid? (18:1-4) It’s obvious! A man’s sin is always his undoing. (18:5-21)
Job (to all): Why have you all turned on me like this? How am I hurting you? (19:1-5) Surely it is God who has turned you all against me. (19:6-22) If only this could all be written down and taken before God. (19:23-27) If you persecute me further, look out for consequences. God could just as easily do it to you. (19:28-29)
Zophar: You insult us! My wisdom is coming by divine revelation. (20:1-3) History shows us the wicked man may prosper for time, but he always gets what he deserves in the end. (20:4-29)
Job: That’s absolutely untrue! Some wicked men go to their graves with no consequences for their sins. I have seen it. If your argument is that their children are made to suffer for their sins later, that will not do: each should reap his own reward. But that’s not how it goes. Your arguments are invalid because they do not reflect reality. (21:1-34)
Eliphaz: Surely your wickedness is great! (Accuses Job of all kinds of sins he can’t prove.) Of course God has seen it and has judged it. So now repent, and all will be well. (22:1-30)
Job: I wish I could just ask God about all this. He would treat me better than you do. (23:1-7) But I do not know where to find him. He is far away even though I am innocent. (23:8-17) Why does God not set times to judge the wicked? Surely there are many men far more wicked than I could ever be. (24:1-17) You say they are judged in this life, but I have seen them die in peace. (24:18-25)
Bildad: Degrees of sin do not matter. All men are sinners before God. (25:1-6)
Job (to all): Of course, God is great and powerful beyond any understanding! (26:1-14) But I will never acknowledge that this suffering is a consequence of my sin. That is not the answer. (27:1-6) Yes, there are indeed consequences for the sins of the wicked, but they do not necessarily come right away in this life. (27:7-23) We are not getting anywhere with this argument. Man is a very ingenious creature, but wisdom is hard to find and is only found in the fear of the Lord. (28:1-28) I wish I could go back to the old days before all this suffering. Life was great, and everyone listened to me. (29:1-25) Now, I get no respect from anyone. (30:1-15) I am in misery, and my former friends all make it worse. (30:16-23) I never behaved this way to others in distress. (30:24-31) Here is my track record of righteous behavior, and curse me if it is not the absolute truth. (31:1-40)
Elihu (to all): I too have something to say. (32:6-22)
(to Job): Your argument is that God has wronged you by punishing an innocent man. (33:1-11) But perhaps this is not punishment. Suffering may come in order to turn a man back from sin and keep him from having to be judged. (33:12-33)
(to all): Job is making the same mistake evil men make when they say that God is not a rewarder of those who seek him. (34:1-9) God will never pervert justice. (34:10-37) The worst consequences of sin are really in the life of the sinner (35:1-16)
(to Job): God is not unfair or uncaring. (36:1-12) People think so because they are hard-hearted and do not respond to his interventions into their lives by asking for his help. (36:13-23) God’s purposes are incomprehensible to us, and his greatness beyond our imaginations. (36:24 - 37:24)
The Lord (to Job): What do you really know about the works of God? What do you know about creating and sustaining the natural world? (38:1 - 39:30) If you cannot answer such questions, why do you find fault with God? (40:1-2)
Job (to the Lord): *silence* (40:3-5)
The Lord (to Job): Consider my two greatest and most powerful creations. If you cannot do anything like that, why would you presume to condemn God? (40:6 - 41:34)
Job (to the Lord): I did not understand the magnitude of the differences between us. Now I do, and I thoroughly and completely repent of my complaining. (42:1-6)
THE END
For the Record
If you’re keeping track, Elihu speaks once, God twice, Zophar twice, Eliphaz and Bildad three times, and Job eleven times. Both fallacies and insights are innumerable. At least twice, one of Job’s friends makes a claim to the authority of a personal revelation, which of course is unfalsifiable and smacks of desperation. That probably happened a lot more before scripture was around to give us the final word.
I didn’t bother trying to count the number of times somebody protests, “You hurt my feelings!” Trust me, it’s pretty high. There’s probably a lesson there too.
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